The Hostile Aggressive Bully

The hostile-aggressive person combines an active aggressiveness with hostility.
Hostility and aggression can appear together.
It is possible to be aggressive without being hostile and vice versa.
Aggressiveness is that quality we see in people who attempt to shape the world and people
as they want them to be or believe they ought to be.

Hostility, which may be intended to wound, can be coupled with an absence of direct aggression.
That silent unresponsive person who refuses to respond to the desire or need for conversation may also
be expressing hostility.

There are three different ways in which the qualities of hostility and aggressiveness
combine into very abrasive behavior, and we will examine some specific methods for coping with each of them.

There is the bully.
This person comes out charging.
His or her whole demeanor is in an attack mode.
They are abusive, abrupt, intimidating, and overwhelming.
They are arbitrary and often arrogant in tone.

When they criticize you for something that you have said or done, they seem to attack,
not just the particular behavior, but they seem to attack you, and they will do so in an accusing way.
They are contemptuous of their victims.
They consider them to be inferior people who deserve to be bulled and disparaged.

They may attack crudely and with vulgarity.
Some are skillful enough to attack with unrelenting criticism and argument that will push a person
to acquiesce against his or her best judgment.
In some situations it may be difficult to differentiate between useful persistence and an overbearing,
railroading behavior.

These people possess tremendous power in interpersonal situations.
These people value aggressiveness and confidence.
They tend to devalue those who they believe lack these qualities.
Unfortunately, demeaning others is one way to create a sense of self-importance and superiority.
If that person can make you appear to be weak and faltering, then he or she will seem to themselves
to be strong and sure.

They are driven by a need to demonstrate that they are right.
They feel a righteous anger toward those who do not to as they "should," which justifies hurting them.
They really expect others to run from them, and devalue them when they do.

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